On The Other Side
by TheRealAmeliaPond
Summary: Sequel to The Fine Line. They finally got together... now what? Getting together, falling apart, and trying to hold it all together. A story about what happens getting in for the long haul, and how to make forever work.
1. Somewhere Between Whole and Broken

**Hehe. I'm back. **

**I'll talk more next chappy. I have to go to bed. **

**I hope you all enjoy!!!**

**mmb

* * *

**

**Chapter One: **

**Somewhere Between Whole and Broken**

Cass considered herself to be a very simple person. At least the way she thought of it.

She suspected that she was _very_ complex, according to Teddy. She hid the truth about her family instead of just trusting Teddy not to look at her like she was somewhere between whole and broken. She never let anyone know if she was hurting instead of letting herself be vulnerable for just one moment. She denied, denied, denied that she was in love with Teddy till it almost broke her.

She lied about loving him instead of just letting someone close enough to hurt her.

To Teddy, none of this was simple. But Teddy also told the truth about everything. Truth was contained inside Teddy about as well as sand in the top of an hour glass: it was only a matter of time—a short one, at that—before all of it would spill out. He simply didn't know how to operate any other way. Cass had no doubt that Teddy had only discovered that he loved her within a day, perhaps even hours, before actually telling it to her that night.

To Cass, _he _was the truly complex one. She didn't understand how he could trust that the world would simply be fine when he actually told the truth. She didn't have faith like that, and didn't know how to find it or where. And she didn't understand how he could have it, and so ardently, without even trying.

To Cass, her way was simple. Self-preservation. Everything she did was for self-preservation. She didn't trust, didn't have faith, accepted the crappy status quo and she lied. And she was always safe. Maybe she wasn't happy. But she was safe.

But when even that ceased to be simple, there was only one thing that she could turn to for simplicity.

The dawn was cool and fresh, exactly the way she liked it. The breeze moved so gracefully and gently, playing with her hair and making her bangs dance over her eyes. The sun was just barely peeking over the trees in the distance, casting a warm golden glow over the lightly frosted grounds.

October had come quickly, and November was approaching even quicker. Everything seemed to be moving so fast.

It had been a month and a half since she had first even suspected that she was…. She sighed at herself for not being able to even think it. If she was, she was about two months along. She hadn't wanted to know; Josie had forced her to take the test. The way she saw it, if she didn't know, it wasn't happening; Josie knew better.

But up here, on the roof, with the whole world lying in a silent rejoice, the air caressing her skin as soft as velvet, and the sun sneaking further into the sky, she could forget about that for just a little bit.

She closed her eyes, feeling the distinct roughness of the strings under her hand. It was a sixth sense to her, feeling her way this way. She let it spread from the spot in her chest that had that warm feeling she always got from this, reaching to the very tips of her fingers.

Taking a deep breath very slowly and blowing it out very slowly, her breath making little clouds in the crisp morning air, the feeling of the warm morning sun on her face, she strummed a single chord. The gentle sound hit her ears so sweet and soft.

And then she played a song she knew by heart, one of the only ones. And the words bubbled up on her lips without any effort of hers.

_"Just like a star across my sky," _she sang softly, to no one but herself and the sunrise. _"Just like an angel off the page… You have appeared to my life… Feel like I'll never be the same…" _

And just like that—even though she knew that Teddy and the test were both laying downstairs, and while that was all they were doing for now, she'd have to deal with them very soon—all was simple again.

Even if it was only for a moment.

Consciousness came to Teddy very slowly. He first became acutely aware of the rather bright puddle of sunlight that seemed to settle only in his eyes, but—rolling on his side—he found it easy to ignore. His next, very drowsy thought was that his pillow was so, _so_ soft.

It was about five more entirely insignificant thoughts like this one before this:

Something was missing.

In his partially conscious state, Teddy furrowed his brow. He drew in another slow breath through his nose, detecting only the faintest traces of the scent of jasmine.

Blinking against the morning sunlight, he tried to find her. He then realized why the scent was so faint; she wasn't there.

He sat up, looking around the apartment. She was nowhere to be seen.

He sighed. She was on the roof again.

He was still too groggy to be up and about, so he let himself fall back onto his pillow with a plop and a sigh, staring up at the ceiling.

A smile snuck onto Teddy's face before he realized what he was doing. He was still basking in the post-'I love you' euphoria. He still hadn't been able to properly wrap his mind around the fact that he and Cass were together—whatever that meant. Not that he even cared. Titles weren't important. He'd already fought the worst of the battle. She loved him. It didn't matter if she wasn't his girlfriend or whatever yet. He was more than content to just be with her.

Last night, they'd done something they hadn't ever done: they had slept together. And not in the figurative sense, as had been so many times before. Teddy had gotten Cass to calm down, but nothing he could do could get her to look at that test. Instead, the two had just laid down together.

He had never found such happiness from just being close to someone. But it had meant so much more than all the rest. Just pulling her close, feeling her warmth on his skin, feeling her hair brushing against his cheek, knowing that he made her feel safe, it was more than he could've known to ask for.

As the last waves of dawning consciousness washed over Teddy, he finally rose from bed. Without a single sound except for his own feet padding across the hardwood, he made his way to the roof ladder, and climbed up slowly. Once at the top, he gently pushed up the hatch and peeked out, soft sweet music filling his ears.

_"Still I wonder why it is," _he heard Cass's voice sing so softly and nicely, strumming the guitar with an offhanded grace, _"I don't argue like this… with anyone but you… We do it all the time… blowing out my mind…" _

He smiled to himself. This talent of Cass's was the one thing she thought he didn't know about her, and he actually did. She was a fortress, with all her secrecy, and as he'd so forcefully realized the day before, there were a million things he didn't know about her. But this sole thing, he knew about this.

As he snuck up beside her, careful not to make a sound. But the truth was he could've brought up a marching band and Cass wouldn't have been any the wiser. She was in it, in her own little world, where nothing and no one belonged but Cass.

Creeping up behind her, Teddy's eyes found the sweet, tender skin of her neck, so perfectly exposed. He leaned his head in, planting a quick gentle kiss there.

History, as they say, has a way of repeating itself. That being said, Teddy still hadn't seen this coming.

Surprising Cass was something that should be done at one's own peril. However, when you were stupid enough to ignore or forget that maxim, this happened:

Cass produced the girliest, most high-pitched yelp he'd ever heard, jumping about a foot. Fortunately the roof was on only the smallest incline because when Cass jumped, she dropped the guitar with a discordant _bong_ but not before the neck hit her squarely on the forehead.

"Ow," she grumbled, rubbing her forehead.

"I'm sorry," Teddy said, laughing softly as he pulled her hands away from her forehead to check if there was a bruise. "I didn't think I'd get that kind of reaction."

"That was a joke, right?" Cass shot back, looking at him as if he'd suddenly succumbed to short term memory loss. "You have _met_ me before, haven't you?"

"How come you came up here?" Teddy said, ignoring her two clearly rhetorical questions. "What if you had fallen off?"

"I'm _not_ gonna fall off," she said with a dismissive eye roll.

"You say that like it's a completely impossibility," he responded. "What if you _had_? You can't do stuff like this now."

"Now?" she repeated blankly. "What's so different about now?"

His eyes met hers in an almost telepathic look, parting the gaze to glance at her stomach.

"Shut up, Ted," she said the moment her consciousness caught the meaning of his glance. She looked away from him, taking up her guitar again.

"Cass, we'll have t—"

"Shut UP!" she shouted at him, breaking the stillness of the morning with a proverbial hammer. Her voice hit Teddy like a sonic blast, seeming to send shock waves in all directions. "Just shut up, alright?! I don't wanna talk, or think, or anything! Just shut up!"

Cass's face was flushed from shouting, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Don't you get it?" The tone of her voice dropped a few notches, gaining a grave seriousness in place of the volume. Her eyes were darting from one of his to the other and back again frantically. "Do you even remotely get this? I don't wanna go back down there! I don't want to see it, and I don't want to know what it says! Because the cold hard truth is that I know I'll be pregnant!"

"And what if you are?!"

The words left Teddy before he even knew what he was saying, and hit Cass like a bucket of ice water. Her mouth hung agape, her eyes wide with shock.

"You're not serious, are you?" she said breathlessly.

That—Teddy thought as he stared back at Cass, trying not to look as conflicted as he felt—was an excellent question. He didn't know what the hell he wanted. He knew he was only nineteen, and that he had no clue how to be a dad, and that he was scared beyond reason. But every time he told himself this, it never worked. He kept picturing a little boy with hair like his and eyes like Cass… or a little girl with Cass's smile…

"Ted!" Cass said, bringing Teddy back from his daydream. "Snap out of it! We can_not_ have a baby!"

"What are you going to do if you really _are_ pregnant, Cass?" he asked her seriously. She just stared right back at him, trying not to crack.

"I can't do this," she sighed, burying her face in her hands. "I can't look at it."

"Yes, you can," he said.

"No, I can't."

"Yes, you can," Teddy said heavily. "Because I don't know how we're gonna work if you can't trust me."

Her eyes met his immediately, her eyes confused and hurt.

"I love you, Cass," he mumbled, clenching his jaw, "but you push me away. And I keep coming back. But push me away too many times and one day you might find that I won't be there anymore."

"What is this, some fucking ultimatum?" she shot back. Teddy felt her pull back even farther from him.

"No, Cass," he sighed, becoming frustrated. "But there's only so much pain I can take before I break! I love you, and maybe the truth is that I couldn't stop coming back to you even if I wanted to! But if you want a real relationship—a healthy relationship—then you have to trust me! Because if you don't…" he searched for the right way to say it, staring at her desperately, "I don't know. What have we really got?"

Cass's eyes had visibly softened and she looked down, taking a deep breath.

"Fine," she whispered, her head still hung.

He nodded, grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet. The two descended the latter carefully, then slowly made their way to the bathroom.

"Do you want me to look at it first?" Teddy offered, setting a hand on her shoulder. She took a deep breath.

"No." She shook her head. "I have to do this."

He nodded as she took a shaky step forward, contemplating the door knob to the bathroom very intently. She took a few more moments, ostensibly to prepare herself, but Teddy could never be sure of what she was thinking.

But this had been a step in the right direction. Trusting him. With a smile, he hoped that one day he would be able to find out.

She set her hand on the door knob, and turned it painfully slowly. The door swung open and Cass took three painstakingly slow steps forward. Teddy remained where he was, ready to meet her should he need him. Her hand reached out—Teddy noted with a protective instinct that she was trembling—and set it on the test. Pulling it back to herself and clearly savoring the final moment where it could be whatever she wanted, she looked down and read the test.

Her eyes widened. Quite obviously in a state of shock, her eyes still on the test, she turned ninety degrees to her left, facing Teddy. After a few more moments, she glanced up at Teddy.

"What does it say?" he asked her, his heart nearly hammering out of his chest.

She held up the test so he could read it. Squinting, Teddy thought it was a plus sign… but perhaps he was only seeing things.

"I'm pregnant."


	2. That's What You Get

**Hello my people. **

**I am SOOOOOOOOO glad to be back! It's been far too long. This being such, this may be the longest author's note I have ever penned, so buckle up.**

**Let's start with the fact that it feels miraculously good to be back. I know all of you have been extremely patient with me and my very inconsistent updating schedule, and I apologize, but add that if it were up to me, I would spend ALL my time updating for you all. But as it is, there's this thing called mandatory education for children, so apparently I've got to learn about a bunch of other crap that I don't _really_ care about whilst my stories go un-updated.**

**Another thing. I myself have often wondered what fanfiction authors look like/act like in real life, and if you too have this curiosity about me, I have good news for you. In quite possibly the most funny/embarrassing/blackmail-worthy/scientific thing I've ever done in my life, my friends and I have made a video and put it on YouTube. Why scientific, you ask? Because it's a video of me and three of my friends rapping about solubility (it was an assignment for our chemistry class, love ya Mr. Gleason). If you're wondering which one is me, I'm the idiot in the yellow dress and the fairy wand. Yeah, I know that's not a promising start. But still, watch it if you're curious about the level of my sanity (or lack thereof). **

**Another personal note, I took my driver's test a couple weeks ago and... I PASSED! So your author can now drive! Ya, probably not as exciting for you... lol. **

**Moving on... the next order of business is informing you all of my game plan for this story. I have to warn you that I've only got a general strategy for this story. So. Believe it or not, this is actually good news for you. You, my friends, can request things you wanna see in the story. However, to quote the famous JKR, "I'm not taking dictation." I will try to incorporate ideas that fit into my plan, but I cannot take them all. So sorry.**

**Alright. Now that all that is covered, I should warn you that this chapter is not extremely exciting, mildly maybe. It was going to have action at the end, but it was SO long, I just had to make it two chapters. Don't worry, you'll some real action very soon. :D**

**Happy reading. ;D**

* * *

**Chapter Two:**

**That's What You Get**

"Would you calm down already? You're scaring the small children."

"Okay, the last time you were here, you caused enough emotional damage to the receptionist to warrant therapy. Pardon me for being a little bit on edge."

"You passed 'on edge' about ten minutes ago, now you're downright neurotic."

Teddy rolled his eyes, continuing to steer an uncooperative Cass by the shoulders through the halls of St. Mungo's as they tried to find Joaquin.

"You're awfully mean this morning," Teddy commented, slowing a bit as he peered down a hallway that Joaquin frequented. No Joaquin. Shaking his head, he pushed forward pushing Cass forward.

"No shit, Sherlock," Cass responded, coming to another quick stop with an indignant sigh as Teddy checked down a different corridor. "I'm up the duff and more than that, you're treating me like a shopping cart."

"You don't know that," he said absent-mindedly, looking up and down the hallway.

"The up the duff part?" she asked with a confused look on her face as she shuffled down the hall with Teddy at the helm. "Or the shopping cart bit?"

"Hm?"

"See?" Cass said, twisting her head to try to look at Teddy. "You're not even listening to me are you?"

"Nope," Teddy said, craning his neck to try and find Joaquin. "Damn it, where is he?"

"Okay, aren't you a Healer?" she asked indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Aren't you supposed to be able to give me an exam?"

"It's not my specialty." He shook his head, wondering how on earth Joaquin could be in this hospital. "If the baby was in your chest cavity, then maybe I could help you."

"If there's a baby…" she responded, her voice trailing off. Teddy did not hear her.

"Ah!" Teddy announced, finding Joaquin's attending at the closest nurse's station and steering Cass there. "Elisa, is Joaquin here?"

A small, dark haired woman at the desk looked up from the chart she was working on.

"Vega?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Ha! He was supposed to be here FOUR hours ago. I had to call in someone to replace him."

"Do you know if he's okay?" Teddy asked, a bit nervous.

"Lupin, it's not my job to babysit you lot," she said, closing the chart and walking away.

"He's probably at the apartment." She reached for his hand, an act so new and unexpected that it took him completely by surprise. Glancing at her hand, so small and soft in his, Teddy couldn't remember if he had ever held her hand. If he had, he doubted it had been like this, with Cass fingers so nicely intertwined in his. Looking up at her, the tense feeling in his stomach eased instantly thanks to the kind, slightly nervous smile she was wearing. "C'mon, we'll apparate there."

"Nuh uh." Teddy shook his head. Cass cast him a puzzled look, and he cast back an 'I'm not being fooled' look. He pointed at her stomach. "Pregnant. Apparation. Bad."

"Ted…" she sighed, clearly frustrated. "You're a healer; aren't you suppose to tell _me_ that the apparating-during-pregnancy thing is a myth?"

"They've never proved there wasn't a connection," he said stubbornly.

"They also haven't proved there _is_ a connection," she responded. Clearly she was capable of being just as stubborn as he, only Cass and her pout and her doe eyes were a bit more convincing than he was.

"Cass…" he groaned, trying to remain firm on this.

"Okay, Ted," she said in a reasoning sort of way, closing the distance between them, "you know how you laid out your condition?"

"Huh?" He was trying to devote the proper amount of attention to understanding what she was saying, but she was pressed up against him—in a completely innocent way, but he hadn't had sex in nearly two months and his priorities were a little bit skewed—and she smelled amazing and her arms were wrapped around his neck… not to mention that even if he had been paying full attention, it still didn't make sense to him.

"Your condition was that I trust you," she explained, looking at him in earnest. "Or else we wouldn't have a real relationship, right?"

"Right." Teddy smiled, rather liking the feel of this as he wrapped his arms around her waist. It felt natural, right even.

"Well, this is my condition. I know I'm about fifteen degrees off of being entirely emotionally balanced, and I know that I need protecting sometimes. But my condition is that when I'm not a complete basket case, you have to trust that I can take care of myself."

Cass stared up at him very intently, waiting for his response. Maybe it was something in her eyes or her smile, or that spiel she just came up with that was so eloquent and un-Cass-like, but she seemed different to him.

Or maybe not.

He supposed it didn't really matter. He liked this: this Cass, this feeling.

"Fine," he mock-sighed, as if agreeing had cost him a great deal of effort. Cass smiled, pulling back and taking his hand again. And just like that, as the two walked out of the hospital, hand in hand, exchanging furtive grins, Teddy knew what was different.

They were _really_ a couple this time.

--

The two entered Teddy's elevator—still hand in hand—not saying a single word. There were things that needed to be said, things that they would both have to explain. But for just right now, it felt alright to just let them be.

Teddy—feeling a strange sense of dejavu—snuck a sidelong glance at Cass, just to see if he could see was she was doing without eliciting a response. In yet another dejavu-esque moment, he found her looking up at the floor ticker, just as she had that night it had all fallen apart. He did not mention this.

The two walked down the hallway, and Teddy was relieved that Cass did not take off ahead of him. There were too many similarities to that night already.

But the entire walk to his apartment door, Cass ceased to be simply quiet and he could slowly—inch by inch—feel her pulling. Not away from him, as was his initial fear. Not pulling him away with her, as he hoped. But inward. Not away, but not quite towards him either. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"You okay?" he said, in what he would discover was _not _a futile attempt to pull her back to him. She glanced up at him, offering a clearly anxious smile.

"Mmhmm." She nodded. Teddy was fully prepared not to believe her, but she added, "It's just weird."

"What is?" he asked, searching her face for some clue to what she was thinking.

"Being back here." She shrugged, watching the floor ahead of her as she walked. "When I ran out that night… I didn't think I'd ever be back."

"But that day, when I came over to talk to you," he wondered aloud. "You said all those things as if you thought we'd mend things and be friends again."

"I didn't believe it for a second," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, I had to try. It was worth that one last-ditch effort. But…"

She stopped, considering her words with the utmost care.

"But what?" he asked softly, hoping to coax the words from her.

"I know you, Ted." The words rose from her as if they'd been waiting there, always right there, but they had never quite made it out. She looked at him very intensely, yet softly, all in the same look. "You get confused, but when you finally sit down and give it some real thought, you always know what you want. And unlike me, you're not willing to take some crappy substitute, all because you're too afraid to risk what you have for what you want."

"Cass, that's not—"

"Ted," she said, with a pointed glance of finality. "That _is_ me."

He didn't dare respond. It didn't matter anyway. They had arrived at the door. Extracting his key from his pocket, he slid it into the keyhole and opened the door.

As the two entered, Cass spoke.

"Does something feel off to you?"

Furrowing his brow, Teddy nodded. In the span of their friendship, Cass had probably asked him this once a week, as she was particularly sensitive to vibes and premonitions; his typical answer was "No, Cass, shut up," but this was different. There was something in the air. He couldn't properly explain it but upon entering he felt constricted, strained, and there was a very distinct flitting feeling of urgency.

"Joaquin?" Teddy shouted, his voice reaching every corner of the apartment.

A few seconds passed with no response.

Suddenly a cavalcade of quick, very clumsy steps could be heard from upstairs. With another clatter, the tumbling steps hit the stairs and someone scurried down the stairs.

"Elle?" Teddy asked, alarmed.

Elena looked completely manic. She was shaking a bit, her red high heels in her hand as she stood barefoot in front of the two of them, looking distinctly ashamed. Her curly hair was disheveled and unkempt and she was—rather suspiciously—wearing the same clothes she had been wearing the previous day when she went out to coffee with Joaquin, plus a few extra wrinkles that seemed to be new additions…

"I'm going to kill him."

Teddy let go of Cass's hand and made to walk past Elena and up the stairs, but Cass prevented him by clamping down on his arm.

"Ted!" she shouted, her eyes stern. "What the fuck is going on?"

"Nothing," Elena piped up, looking like a total liar. She ran a nervous hand through her hair. "It's nothing."

"Yeah, right," Teddy growled. "What the hell did he do?"

"Teddy, nothing!" Elena exclaimed, an extremely guilty face on. "Nothing happened!"

"Who are we talking about?" Cass put in, looking thoroughly confused.

Just then, Joaquin walked down the stairs in his boxers, a rather curious bit of clothing in his hand.

"Hey, Elena, you forgot your bra," he said, before looking up and realizing they had company. Elena buried her face in her hands, but not before both Cass and Teddy had gotten a rather good look at her burning red cheeks. "Oops."

Without another thought, Teddy wound up and punched Joaquin squarely in the face.

Instantly, chaos burst forth.

"TED!" came a unanimous shout from Cass and Elena, both more pissed than he'd seen them in a while. But while Elena rushed to Joaquin—who was now bleeding rather profusely from the nose—Cass turned her wrath towards him and forcefully grabbed a handful of his hair.

"You. Me. _Now._"

She pulled him to the other side of the room, as if to prevent him from going back for an encore.

"What is _wrong_ with you!" she implored of him.

"Wrong with _me_?" Teddy repeated incredulously. "Are we witnessing the same thing?"

"You just don't go around punching people, you great prat!" she shouted at him, and though she was a full head shorter than him, she was about ten times as threatening as he was.

"I told him to keep his hands off of Elle," he growled. "I told him to keep it in his pants. She and Johnny _just_ broke up."

"Wait, what?!" Her angry expression dropped instantly, replaced with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.

"Haven't you already realized that I _didn't_ punch Johnny just now?" he snapped at her.

Cass ignored this last comment, as she was already too focused on the rather tender-looking scene that was unfolding across the room. Elena was mopping up Joaquin's nose and the two were speaking very softly. Joaquin was wearing that crooked smile of his and Elena's lips were pressed together, as if she was trying to keep herself from laughing.

"When did she and Johnny break up?" Cass asked, her eyes still fixed on the two of them.

"About three months ago." Teddy was very careful not to draw her attention back to him, lest she continue her tirade of verbal whiplash. "He was cheating with that little tart from the Auror Department." Almost involuntarily, his mind flashed back to a day in the middle of seventh year, where Cass had declared that—for reasons unknown—he was a total scumbag and Elena was better off without him. "You were right."

"I know I was." She never took her eyes off those two. "I'm always right."

She gave a little smile.

"Okay, fine," she said, sighing and looking back at him. "You're right. We _should_ be mad at Joaquin."

"I am?" he asked, puzzled.

"Yeah." Cass nodded, glancing at Joaquin. "I don't want Elle to be just another 'woman.'"

"Actually…" Cass glanced back at Teddy. "He's sort of in love with her."

"What?!" she yelped. She sighed, her mouth agape as she turned to look at the scene again. "I'm so behind…"

"Mmhmm," Teddy agreed, turning to look at them too. He sighed dramatically. "That's was you get when you lie about being in love with me…"

"Shut up, Ted." Out of the corner of Teddy's eye, he could barely make out a smile.

* * *

**Alrighty! That's all for this chapter, but there should be another up very soon, since it's mostly all written and everything.**

**Lol, okay how many of you are going to watch that video? All of you, I bet... oh well. Enjoy my embarrassment. :D**


	3. The Sounds and The Backlash

**Okay, show of hands. Who turned in to youtube and watched me make a complete idiot? Anyone?**

**Haha, ANYHOO. If anyone cares what's happening in my life, I am having a bit of a rough patch. Anyone wanna clear up for me how I'm supposed to know if I really like a guy?**

**Oh wow... lol none of you have to answer that. I'm just being a nutjob.**

**Anyway, I REALLY love this chapter so I hope you all will love it too. :D**

**Happy Reading.**

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

**The Sounds and The Backlash**

"Why _exactly_ are we here?"

Cass massaged her forehead and sighed. Pregnancy did not suit her, she realized—as one of the mind-crushing headaches she had been getting lately was in its start-up phase. It didn't help that the lighting in the hallway was flickering ever so slightly and would not let up, or that the chair may have been the most uncomfortable seat of her life, or that people kept running by like they were on fire, _even though_ this was clearly not the trauma ward and there was no need for the urgency, especially when they were doing it so loudly. And it _certainly_ did not help that Elena kept asking why they were at the hospital every three minutes.

After getting Joaquin cleaned up and Teddy had obligatorily apologized to Joaquin with Cass prodding him along with every word or so, Teddy had calmly explained to him why they needed him down at the hospital. Even though moments before Teddy had socked Joaquin in the face, for Cass, he had obliged.

They had then immediately gone to the hospital without explaining the reason to Elena.

"How about you tell me what's going on with you and Joaquin?" Cass suggested.

"We had sex," she said simply, repositioning herself in her chair, as if she was trying very hard to give off the impression that it was all very casual and not at all a big deal. "That's it."

"You're so full of shit, Elena," Cass sighed.

"What?" she asked, as if she had no idea why Cass would say that. "You and Teddy had a fling and you didn't have any feelings for him. Why can't I with Joaquin?"

"Because I," she said, taking Elena's jaw in her hand and turning her face towards her, "was lying. And because as much as I wanted to be that girl who didn't give a damn about feelings and attachment and commitment, I wasn't." Cass stared at her very intensely, as if her gaze alone would help hammer in the concept. "And neither are you."

She let go of Elena and sat back in her seat, closing her eyes and massaging her forehead.

A few seconds later, a high-pitched squeak hit Cass's ears. She immediately glanced over at Elena, who had collapsed into sobs.

"Elle?" she asked tentatively, extremely confused as to how this could have come out of left field. She awkwardly set a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm a _whore_!" she cried, looking positively miserable.

"Oh, Love," she said, pulling her into an extremely awkward hug—at least for Cass. "It's okay. You're not a whore."

"Yes, I am!" she sobbed into her shoulder.

Just then—with remarkable timing, as Cass was realizing that she didn't have anything more comforting to say to Elena—Teddy exited the exam room where he had been previously, talking to Joaquin.

"He's ready for you," Teddy said to Cass, who was trying to make Elena sit upright of her own volition.

"Elle, darling, I have to go," she said, flattening Elena's hair and smoothing the wrinkles in her top. Elena was still sobbing.

"I'm a whore," she repeated softly, looking entirely downtrodden as Cass stood.

"You're not," Cass insisted, bending over so that they were at eye level with each other. "And if you _are_ a whore, then I'm a whore too. We can even make little scarlet 'W's for us to wear on our lapels, if it makes you feel better."

"What are you talking about?" Elena asked, looking confused. Cass laughed softly.

"I'm pregnant."

Ignoring Elena's shocked expression, she turned around and walked into the exam room, Teddy following her in.

"So how does this work?" Cass asked, eyeing the chair and stirrups warily.

"Don't worry, we're not gonna need the stirrups for this," Joaquin assured her, and with a flick of his wand, the stirrups folded under the chair. "Just go ahead and take a seat."

Cass gently sat in the seat, resting her head back against the headrest, and Teddy took a seat next to her. As Joaquin prepped the monitor, Teddy glanced up at Cass, who's eyes were fixed on an indistinct point on the ceiling, her bangs falling into her eyes. He wished more than anything that he could know what she was thinking when she looked so intense and unreadable. Actually—he realized, staring at her—he wished she would trust him enough to tell him herself.

"Alright, the monitor is all set up and I just have to ask you a few questions before we start," Joaquin said, grabbing his clipboard.

"Right." She sat up a bit straighter, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Let's hear them."

"Do you know about how far along you are?" he asked, his pen poised over the page.

"Eight weeks and three days."

Joaquin looked up from the chart.

"What?" she asked, as Joaquin just shook his head and laughed. "Oh please, if the last time you had sex wasn't ten minutes before you arrived, you'd know the timing down to the _moment_."

"Mmhmm," Joaquin said, letting the comment pass. "Have you experienced any bleeding or spotting?"

"No," she answered.

"Morning sickness?" Joaquin asked, filling out the chart.

"Pfft," she scoffed. "What a sham of a name… 'morning' sickness."

"I'll take that as a 'yes, all the time'," Joaquin said.

"I haven't seen you be sick," Teddy commented quietly, reaching for her hand.

"Trust me, you're not missing anything." She offered a smile, squeezing his hand reassuringly before letting go. Just like that. "I was actually sick right before you got there yesterday, I figured I'd gotten it all out of my system."

"So…" Joaquin said, looking up from the chart. "What's the deal? With the pair of you?"

"I…" Teddy started, glancing at Cass to help him out, but unfortunately she looked as lost as he.

"That's a good question," she finally offered, laughing slightly.

"Teddy's the dad, though?" Joaquin clarified.

"If there's something to be fathered, then yes," Cass said.

"So… how's the hanky panky?" Joaquin asked with a mischievous grin.

"I'm sorry, is that a question for the chart?!" Cass snapped, though Teddy noted with a smile that her cheeks were flushed a very pretty shade of pink.

"That means it was bad," Joaquin concluded, looking back down at the chart.

"Hey!" Cass shot back, pointing at him menacingly. "I'll have you know I'm _amazing_ in bed!"

"Or in closet," Teddy reminded her. "Or on couch. Or in hay loft."

"Blimey," Joaquin offered, chuckling a bit, "you two are freaks. Even _I've_ never done it on a hay loft."

"Shut UP, Joaquin!" Cass shouted, chucking a model of a baby at three months at his head. It hit him squarely in the forehead, but it only made him laugh harder. "Would you tell us for sure if I'm up the duff or not?!"

"Sure," he said with an amused smile, turning the monitor to face him, so he could obtain a good image before showing it to them. "I'm going to need you to pull up your shirt, and your trousers down a bit."

"My, my," Cass said, shimmying her hips slightly to pull her pants down a bit, knowing Joaquin would need her stomach exposed. "You just got some this morning, and you're already randy again."

"Ha ha, just pull up your shirt," Joaquin said, adding an attachment to the top of his wand. It was rounded, about the size of a decent orange, and Teddy—from his Healer training—remembered it was used to obtain the image, similar to the Muggle ultrasound system.

As Joaquin applied a jelly to the instrument—another technique borrowed from Muggle medicine—Teddy looked up at Cass, whose eyes were again fixed on that point on the ceiling. His ears detected a very small sound, and it took a few moments for him to realize that Cass was rather feverishly picking at a small hole in the chair's pleather upholstery, her long fingers rather dexterously peeling the pleather away.

Teddy was momentarily distracted from Cass's nervous picking as Joaquin began to search for an image, sliding the instrument across Cass's slightly rounded belly.

Cass's picking picked up a bit of speed and volume, now a very clear _pick, pick… pick… pickpick, pick_ as her nails worked ardently to pry the cover from the chair, bit by bit. Her eyes—if it were at all possible—seemed even _more_ fixed on that single point, as if staring at it long enough, hard enough, would give her the outcome she wanted. Whatever it was.

She seemed to be miles, eons away from him. This room, this hospital was light years away from where she was. Wherever it was, he wished she were back here, with him. If for no other reason than that he could not stand to be so desperately alone anymore.

A small burst of static was heard from the monitor, surprising no one. They all knew that the instrument also picked up sounds, used to pick up the baby's heartbeat, but until Joaquin found a good position for it, all they would hear is interference.

As Joaquin continued to scan, Teddy's nerves were mounting. On top of Cass's rather obvious anxiety, the true gravity of the situation was finally dawning on him. Last night… and this morning. All of it had been so easy to tuck away, even knowing that he would have to deal with it, and fast. It had been so easy to focus on Cass, on the love that was no longer eating away at him like a virus or a parasite, but real and growing. Now he would have to face the truth about the _life_ that was real and growing. Or that wasn't.

_Pick… pickpick, pickpick… pick, pick…_

_CHHHHHHRRRRT…_ the instrument caught another burst of static. _CHHHHHHHRRRRT!_

_Pick, pick, pick, pick… pickpick…_

_CHHHHHHHHHHRT!_

_Pick, pick, pick, pi—_

Teddy reached out and grabbed Cass's closest hand, taking it in both his hands. In that one, swift movement, her mind seemed to rocket back into her body, from wherever she had been; her eyes were fixed on his hands around hers, even as he pressed his lips to her soft, smooth hand, so warm where she was usually so cool. Her eyes darted to meet his, and—for the first time—he seemed to know what she was thinking, what she needed from him.

"It's okay," he whispered to her, having risen from his seat to look her right in the eye. Her eyes were so frightened, so shaky. She seemed almost unwilling to believe it, in case he was wrong. But he still knew she had needed to hear him say it, for him to believe it. "I promise."

She offered a very small smile—scared and worried and shaky, but a smile underneath it all—and he returned with a stronger one, planting a kiss on her forehead.

And just like that, the world had subsided into a sweet silence.

_Shu-shoomp. _

The pulled apart and looked at each other quizzically, then at Joaquin.

_Shu-shoomp. Shu-shoomp. Shu-shoomp. _

"That's not…" Cass trailed off, her mouth open slightly in shock.

"… a heartbeat?" Joaquin asked, a sincere grin on his face. Cass's hand, which had been firmly gripping Teddy's, fell limp.

Joaquin, using the hand not currently occupied with the instrument, turned the screen towards them.

For a moment, even Teddy, who had been trained to read these damned things, could not find anything in the grainy picture, although the beating continued to sound in perfect rhythm. Joaquin readjusted the wand to get a better shot. Sure enough, a few moments after that, Teddy spotted something that looked rather like a large cashew, with little stubby appendages, moving just a bit.

"Can you see that right there?" Joaquin said, freezing the image on the monitor. He set down his wand, and circled it with his finger. "That's your baby."

Teddy could not remove his eyes from that little thing.

There was no more denying it. There was no more running. And there was no hiding behind the good news. The evidence was right before his eyes: living, breathing, in plain black and white.

That little cashew may not have been much of anything at this point, but it wouldn't stay like that for long. In no time at all, it would be a baby. A real baby. One that cried and pooped and needed to be fed and looked after all the time. One he could accidentally drop, hurt, maim, or scar. One that he could—potentially—really screw up.

He wasn't ready. He had been so sure that he could handle it, that he could be the strong one for Cass, and that he was happy.

He didn't know what he felt now.

Suddenly the room felt as though it had erupted in a chaos that only he could feel or see. The lights were too bright, seemingly blinding… the air felt thicker, or maybe thinner, he couldn't tell… the room was suddenly too small… he felt trapped, scared, frantic… and the _shu-shoomp… shu-shoomp…_ it was getting louder… and louder… it was all he could hear….

"I…" Teddy blurted out, standing abruptly, dropping Cass's hand. Her eyes parted from the monitor, glancing first at her hand, and then at Teddy. "I have… I have to go…"

"Teddy, what are you—" Joaquin inquired, eyeing him with a puzzled look.

"I'll be back, I swear," he insisted shakily. "I just… I have to go…"

"Ted…" he heard Cass's voice rise, but couldn't look back.

And he didn't.

--

_Knock knock knock._

Teddy lowered his hand, and waited at the door to Cass's apartment.

He took a deep breath and tried to push away the creeping sense of dread that seemed to be filling him. He was in deep, deep trouble—depth on par with a black hole or a never-ending sink hole.

Not that he blamed Cass. If there was a worse time or place to have run out on her, he couldn't think of it. He didn't know what had come over him. All he knew was that suddenly he had felt like the life he had been striving for was over; and even though he was going to get a new life in its place, he hadn't known if that was what he wanted.

Now he did. He loved Cass more than whatever plans he had made in the life he used to have. And yes, he was scared, terrified, even. But whenever he had just about convinced himself that he wouldn't—he couldn't—go through with this, he thought back… to the new warmth in Cass's hand, and how he believed that maybe it was because of the baby… or how every time he looked Cass in the eye, he thought about the little baby that could be theirs, with her beautiful bluish-greenish-grayish-brownish eyes and his brown hair… and once he had those thoughts, there was no more wondering or thinking. He was still scared and terrified and all that, but there was no more doubt that this was what he wanted. He wanted Cass, he wanted their baby, and he wanted their life together.

He just hoped Cass would believe him.

The door opened.

"Oh," Cass said with disdainful indifference. Her eyes did not meet his. "It's you." She sighed, walking back inside. "Come in."

"Were you expecting someone else?" Teddy asked her tentatively.

"I was expecting Joaquin," she responded with a distinct bite in her voice. She headed back to her bed, where she was about halfway through making it. He followed her up there. "Since _he_ was the one who took me home. Or Elle, who brought me all the prenatal vitamins that I left at the hospital because I was so upset that you ran out in the middle of it."

"Cass…" he started, reaching for her arm. His fingertips barely grazed her smooth skin before she yanked her arm away.

"Don't touch me," she hissed under her breath. She walked over to grab her bag off the counter. "I'm leaving, lock up when you go. And take your shit with you."

"Cass, c'mon!" he said, holding up his arms as she went towards the door. "It was just one mistake, one time! How many times have you run away?"

Standing about three feet from the door, Cass stopped dead in her tracks. For a moment, Teddy wasn't sure if she was going to apologize or going to tear him a new one. Dropping her bag abruptly and turning around to face him very, very slowly, Teddy swallowed hard and realized it was the latter.

"How_ dare_ you," she growled, her voice low and mean and just plain not nice. She took a slow, deliberate stride towards him, her eyes seeming capable of emitting sparks. Teddy nervously glanced at the window, contemplating whether he could survive jumping out of it through the glass. "Don't you get it?" Another step. "Don't you even get it?" Another step. "I was sitting there, watching the last piece being fitted into the puzzle of what the rest of my life will be, and the moment I get the answer, you _run_." She was now standing in front of him, menacing even though he was about a head taller than she. "You told me to trust you, Ted! Remember that, Ted! 'You have to trust me, Cass!'" She used a mocking tone at this. "'If you want a real relationship, you have to trust me, or else what have we got, Cass?!' Sitting there, in that seat, I trusted you!" With a jolt Teddy realized she was about to cry. "I _trusted_ you! Do you know how hard it was?! Do you realize that every inch of my better judgment was fighting it?! I still did it, Ted! Because I really, _really_ love you! And it scares me so badly, to realize that I need you! And just when I had given you _exactly_ what you had asked of me, _exactly_ what you needed from me, you ran away!"

She heaved a huge sob, straight from the gut, and Teddy felt another gust.

"That's why I lied, Ted," she sobbed, looking so very broken down and sad and altogether beautiful, when it came right down to it. "That's why I lied to you, all those months. I could accept being your Plan B because the truth is that it's easier to live without something you've never had than to have it and lose it. You might have been scared that I'll leave since you spoke those words to me two months ago, but I've been scared of you leaving since the day I met you, and even more after that kiss a year ago, when _I_ first realized I loved you." She wiped her eyes hastily, and he felt so awful that they were his doing, that she wouldn't have hurt so much—for so long—if it hadn't been for him…

He went to her, and took her in his arms. At first he expected her to push him away, to tell him that she wanted him gone, out, for good, but she didn't.

"You told me to stop running away," she whispered into his chest. "Just because I've stopped, that doesn't mean you can start." She pulled her head away and looked up at him. "People leave me, Ted. People who I was supposed to be able to trust. And I am _finally_ fighting for you to stay. Don't make me regret it."

He kissed her on the forehead, whispering, "I won't. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said, smiling softly. "Just promise me it won't happen again."

"I promise." Teddy smiled back at her, kissing her gently on the lips, then pulling back again. "So. What's your next move, Mummy?"

"I… I don't know," she said, looking a bit uneasy.

"Okay," Teddy said, understanding. Today had been a long day, and he didn't expect her to be able to tell him exactly what she wanted to do—especially since he was rather uneasy about it himself. But there was one thing that they had put off and put off, and it needed to be settled once and for all. "Can you tell me something else?"

"Of course," she said, smiling gently. "What do you want to know?"

He smiled.

"Everything."

* * *

**It's time for Cass to fess up. And I'll probably spend another three chapters letting her do just that. **

**REVIEW!**

**mmb**


	4. When Did You Fall: Part I

**MY PEOPLE! I'm so so so so sorry I haven't updated in forever! But things have been very VERY hectic. In the past three weeks alone, I got a boyfriend, got _dumped_ by that boyfriend and then developed a pretty serious crush. Things like that tend to screw up my concentration, and I'm sorry you all have had to miss out on the story because of it! But I'm back. ;)**

**Okay, so this chapter is basically the first of three chapters that are Cass's recollections about the events of TFL. When you see the italicized song lyrics, that is where I switch between the present and the flashbacks. Except the one at the very beginning. That just starts us off. :D **

**Alrighty, fans, you know what to do from here! **

**Happy reading.**

**mmb**

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

**When Did You Fall**

**Part I**

_You're all smiles and silly conversation_

_As if this sunny day came just for you_

"Everything?" she repeated blankly. "You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."

"Fine," he said, grinning as they went to the couch and proceeded to make themselves cozy. Teddy noticed with a start that—instead of them sitting together, snuggling, or just sitting in any way like a couple—they went to their standby: keeping a decent foot between them. As inadvertent as it had been, Teddy did not choose to correct it. This was the one last thing they would do as "just friends". After all, it was the one last thing holding them there.

"Right," Teddy said, pulling himself out of his own reverie. "So, I know my side of the story regarding this past year. What's your side?"

"Lead me through it, will you?" she asked, chuckling a bit. "Tell me what you want clarified."

"How bout the very first night?" Teddy offered. Cass smiled at him suspiciously.

"You just want me to talk up your snogging abilities, don't you, you great prat?"

"Oh please, they need no talking up," Teddy smirking in a very Joaquin-like manner. Cass dissolved into laughter at his impersonation. "Alright, alright, answer the question."

"Well, we played Spin the Bottle, I guessed, we drank, we went in the room, we snogged, you nearly ripped my clothes off," she explained very calmly. "What needs clearing up?"

"First off," Teddy cut in, "how come you got all the couples right until us? Better yet, how did you do it at all?"

"The same way I do most everything:" she said, "accidentally. I'd look around the circle and my eyes would just stop on one guy, and I'd look around the circle again and my eyes would stop on one girl; and I was just inexplicably sure that they were the couple."

"Then what happened with us?"

"I looked around the circle and my eyes settled on you, and I knew it was you," she explained, gesturing indistinctly. "When I did the second sweep for girls, my eyes just… didn't settle anywhere. Not even stopping to think that it was me, I just said Victoire because I knew you wanted it to be her." She shrugged. "We all know how the spin landed."

"What were you thinking when it landed on you?" Teddy asked.

"Something like… 'what the bloody fuck just happened?'" she chuckled. "I was really scared, to be honest."

"Why?"

Cass simply gave him a very directed raised eyebrow and sighed.

_You twist your hair, you smile and turn your eyes away_

_Go on and tell me what's right with you_

"We don't have to, you know."

Teddy's eyes quickly left the floor and met hers.

"We don't have to do what?" he asked, seeming to have forgotten entirely why they were in this closet.

"Snog?" she reminded him gently.

"Oh right," Teddy said, nodding a bit nervously. Cass's eyes fell downcast. At first she had been just the tiniest bit excited, though she didn't know why. Now she felt disappointed, stupid, embarrassed that she had assumed it would happen, and that he was excited about it too.

"I mean," she offered, sounding especially frantic even though she was trying to sound calm, "we could just walk back out and, and no one would even know."

Realizing that Teddy was looking right at her, she tore her eyes away from the floor and met his. For a moment, he simply stared right at her, as if working out something very important. For one very terrifying moment, she thought he knew—that she wanted to kiss him, and badly, and now was entirely aware of why.

"Cassie, it's not a big deal," he said in a soft, gentle tone that Cass found she was enjoying, much more than was acceptable.

"It isn't?" she asked, still a little worried that he knew the horrible, horrible truth.

"No," he said, seeming so sure and collected, at least in comparison to Cass, who was trembling and sweating and feeling altogether very unsure. "We're friends, right?"

"Right," Cass said, relaxing a bit. He had clearly not realized what she thought he had.

"So we can kiss," he stated. He sounded a little shaky, and for some reason that put Cass at ease—slightly. At least she wasn't the only one freaking out. "We're friends, it won't mean anything. Less than what your kiss with Cyrus would've meant."

"Yeah," she said, her voice a little more level.

"It's just a kiss." Cass had the strangest sense at his words that they would come back to bite her in the ass, but quickly forced it down, away, out of sight. It did not belong here, not in this room where she was trying so desperately to be strong. "It's not like sex, right? Someone always has feeling during sex, but it's not, it's just kissing…"

"Yeah, you're right," she said, finally forcing down the last bit of that bad feeling she had and pretending to be more calm and collected. She forced a smile onto her face, hoping once it got there it would feel more natural. It didn't. "Alright, let's just… do it."

Teddy just nodded, and he audibly gulped. Cass would have let out a small laugh, but found she had lost the ability.

Before Cass knew how to react, the distance between them had shortened considerably. Her heart jumped to the general region of her throat, and once there, settled in by pounding against her esophagus in nervous angst. She felt rooted to the spot, though the option to run away, far away, was looking better and better by the second.

Teddy's hand lifted slowly, almost awkwardly, tucking a tress of her hair behind her ear. She tried not to notice that his fingertips had so gently brushed against her cheek.

His face was very close to hers now. His hair was doing something weird again, switching back and forth between his natural brown and his typical bright blue… his bright amber-y brown eyes were wide and honest, and fixed on hers intensely… she was so close she could actually count a handful of freckles on his nose, something she'd never noticed before… she closed her eyes very slowly, wondering what would happen once this moment was over, what repercussions would come of this….

All thoughts of that were soon obliterated.

Suddenly, his lips were on hers in the most perfect way, and all coherent thought had taken an extended leave of absence. There was only an immense swelling feeling deep within her chest, consuming the very air she breathed, leaving her weak, trembling and extremely dizzy.

With a response that could only be compared to an electric shock, Cass pulled away from the kiss, her lungs strangled for a proper breath. For a moment, they only stared at each other, and judging by that look in Teddy's eyes, Cass was sure that she could not have been the only one who felt it, that huge, inexplicable something…

Then, before she had entirely caught her breath, his lips had taken hers again, and she knew there was no pulling away this time, not when this feeling was so necessary, so addictive, she didn't know how she would get by when it was over… his lips felt so nice against hers, as if they fit there… his tongue tasted like peppermint, and she made a note—even through the rather thick mental fog—to memorize the taste…

The speed and intensity of their kisses mounted with every passing moment. With little of her own volition, her hands became entangled in his hair, which was ridiculously soft under her fingertips. Teddy's arm had somehow found its way around her waist; and suddenly there was nothing between the two but their clothes, which Cass realized with a jolt.

The next thing she knew, Teddy had removed her glasses and tossed them aside. Cass watched them go—or watched as closely as she could, seeing as her glasses were a _very_ high prescription—with alarm, and Teddy's lips on hers again only temporarily distracted her. Soon his lips strayed again, tracing her jaw line, down the slope of her neck and following her collarbone, and his finger had hooked around the strap of her dress and pulled it slowly off her shoulder.

Cass swallowed hard.

If all coherent though had gone out the window earlier, then they had certainly returned—and with a vengeance. A million thoughts rocketed through her head in a million different directions, as if it were some sort of twisted highway. The most prominent of these was a distinct feeling that history was about to repeat itself.

Teddy had been truly in love only once in his life—to Isabella Delacroix. It had been a typical teen romance: dramatic, fluctuating, and ultimately, tragic. During their relationship, Cass and Teddy had mostly not been on speaking terms, but after Isabella had left for Paris, things had fallen back into the normal swing. Except for one noticeable difference.

It seemed that every week brought a new girl. They were never serious—or, at least, _he_ was never serious about _her_—but it didn't stop him from bedding them in a speed rivaling a Firebolt II. Cass knew it was never a chauvinistic endeavor; he never bragged about his exploits to his mates or even to her. The fact was that he simply was caught in between two polar opposite, yet equally strong fears: one was of being alone, the other of being hurt. And that—apparently—translated into a _lot_ of booty calls.

And Cass feared she might be the newest one.

Standing there, with Teddy's lips laying feather-light kisses against the tender skin of her neck, she felt as though she was losing control. She couldn't see, couldn't think properly, and she doubted very much if she would be able to call a halt to this if she changed her mind; which, considering the growing feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach, was bound to be any moment.

"Ted." She had barely managed to rouse her voice to life, and realized moments later that it hadn't sounded at all like she's intended. She put a little more force behind it. "Teddy."

He made no response, but hooked his finger around the other strap and pull it off her shoulder.

"Teddy, stop." Her voice was harsh this time, unforgiving. That he seemed to understand, though she physically pushed him away for good measure.

At that moment, she felt visibly shaken. Her hands were trembling like mad and her breathing was labored, and she again had an overwhelming desire to run from the room.

This time, she gave in.

"Dammit, Ted, where the hell are my glasses?!" she barked at him, feeling around on the ground for them. Within a few short seconds she had found them, slipped them in place, and torn from the room. In the corridor, she ran through the circle of people still sitting there from the game. As she ran past, she received several surprised looks, none more surprised than Victoire. Suddenly, Cass remembered Vic: graceful, witty, and sublimely beautiful, whom Teddy had a _huge_ crush on. She felt undyingly guilty.

In no time she had made it to the portrait hole, and, whispering the password, she ran through the empty common room to the girls' staircase, tripping on the second step—in yet another moment of her characteristic clumsiness. She recovered quickly and had just managed to run around the bend in the staircase when she heard Teddy enter the common room.

"Cass!" He shouted up the staircase, as Cass stood around the bend, breathing heavily with her back up against the wall. She did not respond at first, hoping he would take a hint and leave her alone. "Come back! Dammit Cass, come back here right now!"

"What do you want?!" she spat, peeking her head out around the bend. She was a lot of things right now; the one thing she was _not_, however, was patient.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to push it like that, I just got carried away! Please come here!"

"Quiet Ted," she whispered as loud as she could. She shot a wary glance up the stairs, fully expecting every girl in the Gryffindor dormitories to storm down right then and there. "It's two in the morning."

"Then come down here and talk to me!"

He looked extremely harried, Cass mentally noted. His hair was standing on end in multiple directions, and his hair had turned deep black, which—if Cass remembered correctly—was a sign that he was feeling very frantic, on edge. And his eyes, his beautiful dark amber eyes, seemed so desperate. And as much as she would have like to leave him there, she just couldn't.

Shaking her head, she came down the stairs.

"Alright." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "Talk."

"I'm sorry…" he offered, sounding so sincere but clearly unable to say anything else about the matter. "I didn't mean to…"

His hand went to rest on her shoulder, and her mind involuntarily flashed to that moment in the closet… and the strap on her dress around his finger…

"Don't," she said, feeling very weak as she said it. She took a step back from him. "Just don't…"

"Cass, I'm sor—" He seemed hurt that she was stepping back, but she wished he would simply respect it, instead of trying to step towards her, canceling out the one she had taken.

"Just stay away from me." That had the force in it that the previous one had been lacking. And if that wasn't enough, she started back up the stairs again.

"But Cass—"

"I need to _think_, Ted!" she snapped at him, whirling around on the step just before she disappeared up the staircase again. "And clearly, I don't seem capable of doing a lot of that with you around!"

The effect of that comment acted similarly to a slap across the face to Teddy. But Cass did not stay long enough to see it, as she continued up the stairs as quick as her legs would carry her.

Fortunately, it seemed none of the other girls had been awaken by she and Teddy's fight. Still, she stepped carefully, sure to make only the quietest clicking with her heels. She had soon made it to the door of her dormitory, and she let herself in without a sound. She undressed, changed into her pajamas, and climbed into her bed without taking off her make up.

Before she settled in properly, she closed all the curtains around her four-poster bed and preformed a quick Imperturbable Charm. Then, nestling herself in amongst her blankets, tears came without much—if any—warning.

And she simply let them come. Because now she knew the terrible, awful truth: that she was deeply in love with Ted Lupin, and probably always had.

And probably always would.

_Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talking_

_And there's something here I'm supposed to realize_

"Wow," Teddy said, as Cass simply sat there, with her legs pulled up to her chest, and her chin rested on her knees. "I had no idea."

"That was my intent." She gave him a half-hearted smile.

"Did you know?" he asked her vaguely. She raised her eyebrows in a questioning expression. "Did you know we wouldn't survive going back? Did you know that night?"

She sighed.

"Yeah, I did," she answered, staring at the floor. "It wasn't a vision, just a feeling. The thought popped into my head, and once it was there, it wouldn't leave. I usually consider that a premonition."

She didn't say any more.

"If you knew that night, how come you still told me you were thinking at graduation?" he urged her.

"I knew that we couldn't go back to being 'just friends'," she said in a clarifying tone. "That doesn't mean I knew what to do about it."

"Oh…" he responded, understanding. "Okay. So, I suppose you had that figured out by the full moon?"

"No." She shook her head. "Truth be told, I had forgotten all about the full moon. It was just before midnight and everyone had gone to bed, but for some reason, I couldn't get myself to sleep. So I went downstairs and was sitting at the dining room table, when I looked out the window and realized the moon was full. I ran upstairs, changed into jeans and my jacket and put on my gloves and ran over there as fast as I could." She smiled. "You don't remember it, but you lit up when I came. Like you missed me."

"I _did_ miss you," he said in earnest. She smiled.

"Well, since I had forgotten that it was the full moon, I had to come anyway, even if everything wasn't all figured out. The werewolf you saw me yawn and made me lay down, but I just laid there thinking. And quite honestly, the friends with benefits option was the only one that fit, in my mind.

"But then after the hayloft…" she raised her eyebrows, "you wanted to go out. I couldn't even believe you… you…"

"Asked you out?" Teddy offered, smiling crookedly.

"Yeah," she said, grinning embarrassedly. Teddy noticed the sudden surge of pink in her cheeks. "I was not expecting that." She looked away, grinning at the floor now. "I had expected you to be running for the hills, actually…"

"Why?" Teddy asked, his mind reeling as he recalled that afternoon. He couldn't remember anything—_anything_—about that afternoon that would have made him run in any direction that didn't lead to her.

"I was afraid I was bloody awful at it," Cass said, her cheeks going from pink to a deep crimson.

"You weren't," he insisted with an air of finality about it. "Trust me, you weren't." She said nothing; for a moment, she seemed very far from him again. "That was your first time."

That seemed to pull her out of her reverie. Her eyes met his in what seemed an infinitesimally small amount of time.

"Mmhmm." She nodded. Her eyes were neither sad, nor happy, he noticed. It was impossible for him to tell exactly what she felt about it, but her eyes were fixed on his, and did not appear to be about to relent. "It was."

"Is that all you're going to tell me?" Teddy asked.

"What do you want to know?" she countered, still holding his gaze as she readjusted her arms around her knees, and again set her chin upon them.

"How about whether or not I psychologically scarred you?" he suggested, looking incredulous.

"What are you talking about, Ted?" she asked softly with a slight eye roll.

"Okay, maybe I'm not the authority on meaningful sex, considering my history, but the first time, at least, should be significant, special," he babbled, wondering why on earth Cass was acting so cavalier about this.

"I loved you, Ted," she said simply. She still had that unreadable look in her eyes. "I still do, and probably always will. It was special because it was with you."

"But I wasn't—" Teddy stopped, realizing that completing this statement would constitute 'stupid.' Cass chuckled a bit.

"You weren't in love with me?" Cass offered, and Teddy nodded slightly. "Yeah, I know. But I had prepared myself for that the first night."

"But you still went through with it."

"I did."

Teddy paused, trying desperately to understand.

"Why?"

"Oh Ted," she sighed, finally looking away from him. He didn't know if he was relieved or sad about it. "I could never say no to you."

He opened his mouth to speak, only to find he had no words.

"Anyway," she said, looking back to him. "What else do you want to know?"

"The date," he managed to say.

"Oh right." Another embarrassed smile ran across her face. "God, what a night…."

'_Cause your secret's out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me_

_I just caught it in your eyes, it's a beautiful surprise…_

"Oh Ted, calm down," Cass chuckled, glancing back down at the menu. "You've seen my breasts already, they're old news."

Cass scanned the pasta section for something that looked tasty, when she realized Teddy was not responding. She looked up, and saw he was distracted by something.

"Ted?" she asked curiously, at that, his eyes immediately met hers again. "You alright?"

"Er… yeah, great," Teddy said, his eyes having left hers again, nearly as quickly as they'd come. "I'll be right back."

She watched him go, puzzled. Turning around in her seat, she just barely caught a glimpse of him catching up to a woman by the bathroom, one with dark hair and legs like a goddess….

Isabella.

Cass turned around and sat in silence until Teddy returned. As he came back to the table, he kissed her hurriedly on the cheek. It took all of her will power not to rip his lips off right then and there.

"What was it?" Cass asked, keeping any sign of anger out of her voice, and doing it to perfection.

"I thought I saw Is—"

It seemed Teddy had only just realized—mid-sentence—that telling your date that you ran off in the middle of their meal to see if the woman heading to the bathroom was your ex-girlfriend was what most people considered a 'faux pas.'

For a moment, he simply sat there, staring warily at her, as if any moment she could explode at him. And he had every reason to.

"Cass…" he sounded like he was trying desperately to reason with her. It was unfortunate for him that she was not in a particularly reasonable mood. "I didn't… it wasn't…"

"Oh," she said, daintily picking up her napkin and dabbing at the corners of her mouth. She did not meet his eyes, her voice poisonously sweet. "You thought that woman was Isabella and all of a sudden I was on the backburner again."

"Merlin, Cass, I haven't seen her in two years!" Teddy retorted with a bite that did not make Cass any less angry. What right did he have to be mad about her reaction? "Is it really so awful that I wanted to see her? Or do you really hate her that much?"

"Bloody hell Ted, it's not about _her_!" she shot back, trying to keep her voice down without losing the effect of her menacing tone. She was keenly aware that other patrons of the restaurant were beginning to stare. "It's about you! When you were with Isabella, I was _always_ an afterthought! And sure, Isabella didn't help things, but _you_ made it so! And now you're letting it happen again!"

"Would you stop being so bloody dramatic and let us get back to the date!"

It was then that Cass's "not particularly reasonable" mood turned into complete and utter rage.

In one swift motion, Cass stood, the legs of her chair making a deep screeching sound against the wood floors as she backed up. In another, she had snatched up her wineglass and splattered all the wine right in his face. The look on his face was priceless, and Cass found it immensely satisfying.

"How's that for dramatic?" she asked spitefully, slamming the glass down on the table before she stalked off to the bathroom.

Unfortunately, before she could enter the women's restroom, Teddy had caught up to her and grabbed her wrist. Before she had a chance to tell him to get his bloody hands off her, he spoke.

"What's the matter with you tonight?!" Teddy implored of her. As his eyes darted from one of hers to the other and back again, she got the distinct feeling he was searching her eyes for the answer. "First you won't talk, then when you finally have something to say, you scream at me till you're blue in the face?!"

"What's the matter with _me_?" She could not wrap her mind around the fact that he was trying to blame _her_ for being angry. "Oh nothing, I just thought that I'd be going on a date where the guy actually paid attention to me instead a woman who somewhat resembles his ex-girlfriend, silly me!"

"Oh come off it, Cass!" Teddy said. For one blisteringly painful moment, Cass saw the same face he had worn when they had had their 'final blow-out', the last fight they'd had about Isabella before they stopped talking; the look of complete and utter dismissal.

"_You_ come off it!" She could not stand the way he was looking at her, as if she had no right to feel like she was being compared to Isabella or put second to her; it was enough to make her want to rip every single, stupid, color-changing strand of hair from his head. "Are you really that inept, or does your Neanderthal-sized brain really not grasp this concept?! I never hated Isabella, Ted! What I hated was the fact that you made her the center of the universe and expected everyone to just bloody accept it! I was—I _am_—your best friend! I don't expect you to come out with the Cass-centric universe any time soon, but dammit, I expect to be able to have a decent time without having Isabella dominate everything!" She snorted with indignation, so, _so_ tired of having to explain herself about the whole Isabella situation. "You know what, just leave me alone. Go fuck something."

With that she ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Rage pulsed through her veins, especially having tripped over one of the tiles. Damn heels. She ripped them off her feet and threw them at the opposite wall as hard as she could muster. Then, going to the sink, she made the mistake at taking a look at herself in the mirror.

Before she knew was happening, she was close to tears.

Stupid date, stupid shoes, stupid dress, stupid Elle and stupid Gemma. Stupid Teddy. Stupid hopes.

She heard the door open behind her and quickly wiped her eyes.

"I told you to go—"

Before she could finish the sentence, his lips were on hers, and she could not remember why she was so angry, or much of anything, really. As sad as it was, she realized that he had some sort of hold on her. Maybe it was entirely out of her control, or maybe she let him have it, but either way, he could make her bend to his every whim. And she didn't know if she would ever be able to say no.

_When did you fall in love with me?_

_Was it out of the blue, 'cause I swear I never knew it_

"And we all know how that culminated."

Cass's eyes looked sad, tired. He wished—foolishly—that he could make it better.

"Cass, I'm—"

"Please don't," she preempted him. She had not changed position on the couch the entire time: her legs were still pulled up to her chest, and her chin was still resting on her knees. Her eyes met his. "You didn't know."

"That's no excuse," he said, his voice faltering. "We had sex, and then I ran off to be with Vic… that wasn't fair."

"I told you it was fine," she said. "I specifically told you to go to her, Ted. It's not your fault. I'm a good liar."

"How can I trust you, then?" Teddy asked.

"I promise you, none of this is a lie." Her eyes were intense, sincere. "I won't lie to you anymore. It nearly broke me last time I tried."

Teddy did not say anything to that. They would get to that soon enough.

"I didn't think it had affected you," he said. "Stupid as it sounds, I thought you were fine, especially after you went out on those dates at the beginning of this summer…"

"Oh, those…" Cass chuckled.

"Yes, they were laughable, but still, I thought you were getting on fine."

"No…" Cass said slowly, "they actually _weren't_ laughable."

"Weren't they?" Teddy asked, confused. "I thought you said…"

"I'm a good liar," she repeated, "remember?"

"Right." He paused. "What really happened?"

"They were great, actually. The first one wasn't even half as ugly as I made him out to be, and the second one wasn't even half as stupid or lazy as I said. They were both really nice. They just…" she pressed her lips to her knees, thinking intently.

"They what?" Teddy asked patiently.

"…weren't you," Cass finished. It took her a few moments before she'd look him in the eye. He got the distinct feeling that she was done talking about that.

"The day you left, before it all happened…" he started, remembering this moment just as the words were coming to him, "…you said you loved me. But took it back."

"It was one of those things that you say in your head, but aren't supposed to say out loud," she explained. "But you just kept throwing those questions at me, and I just… that was the only explanation. And once I had said it, I had to find a way to backtrack—and _fast._"

"I remember," Teddy said, thinking back to what she had said…_ Because you needed me, and you're my best friend, and I'm supposed to be there when you need me! I'm your plan B! _"You said you were my plan B."

Cass visibly cringed.

"Don't remind me." She looked as though she wanted to collapse in on herself. "I can't believe I said that."

"Why did you, then?" he asked in all seriousness. She looked at him intensely, as she had been doing a lot that night.

"Like I said before," she started off, "it was easier to have a piece of you than to have none of you. It was just so much scarier, so much more painful… the prospect that I would push for more and end up with nothing. I would have rather just stayed as your plan B than to lose you entirely. At least up until the end."

Teddy nodded, understanding.

"Is that all you wanted to know?"

Teddy laughed.

"You know me better than that."

"Right, right," she sighed, smiling sweetly. He had the immediate thought that she looked just like an angel. "What else do you want to know?"

"That night." The smile slipped from her face, although he noticed it never entirely left. "Tell me about that night."

* * *

**Enjoy? Lemme know by reviewing! **

**A big thanks to Tyler, for betaing this chapter. :D**

**A new chapter should be up soon.**

**mmb**


	5. Fall For You: Part II

**Okay. Normally I would start this out with some nice banter but something serious has arisen. I received a review saying this today:**

**"I just reported you for violating FFN terms for including smut in a rated T  
fan fiction. I usually don't mind anything don't report anything--but this  
is border line. I am assuming Cassie is you and don't deny it. Your writing  
says it all."**

**ni66a210, let me start by apologizing for the rating mix up. It was not intentional, and I assure you, it has been corrected. If it was, as you say, "border line," I would have preferred that you simply told me you took offense to the rating, and I would have changed it.**

**However, the apologies end there. **

**Every author draws from themselves when writing a character. The characters come from within us, and therefore take a piece of us with them when transfered to the page. Cass does share certain similarities with me: a sharp tongue, the tagalong nature, the fact she's in her head half the time, and the glasses. HOWEVER, Cass demonstrates the extent I have gone to take a step outside what I know to create something new, so I assure you, we are very different. But I assume what you REALLY mean by "Cassie is you and don't deny it" is that I'm a raving sex fiend? **

**Haha. You caught me. I AM a raving sex fiend. In all my Catholic school girl glory. How astute you are. **

**All sarcasm aside, I really am a virgin (gasp). Fully. Whatever your definition of sex is, I haven't gone there. Sorry, ni66a210, since you asked me not to deny it, but the truth is the truth. And if you don't believe me, then it's your delusion, not mine. The writing is... well... 'accurate', if you will, because I, like most people, have an average understanding of the mechanics of sex, and have read some smut before. That's all.  
**

**So although I apologize for your grievance, I respond to the second half of your review by saying this:**

**Shut the hell up. And grow a pair, okay? Don't call me a slut and then go and leave your review anonymous so I can't respond directly to you. It's cowardly. **

**And now I apologize to the other readers/reviewers, who had to listen to my diatribe when they have done nothing wrong. **

**Now. Chapter. :)**

**Happy reading.**

**mmb**

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

**Fall For You**

_The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting_

_Could it be that we have been this way before?_

"I am now."

Cass pressed her lips together. She wished she hadn't said that. It could be so easily misconstrued, he could so easily take it to mean that she needed him, that she _loved_ him…

Only it wouldn't be misconstrued.

Cass very insistently pushed that from her mind. What a stupid thought. She didn't love Teddy. She didn't. He was her best friend. Her very best friend. The one who was always there for her and always took care of her. The one with the beautiful eyes and the gentle hands, who smelled _so good_…

Feeling overwhelmingly that she was about to cry, Cass knew that the lie she had told herself over and over this past year was dead. Now even she couldn't deny it.

Ever since that kiss, that damned and beautiful kiss, she had known it. Deep down, anyway. But, in her very own tried-and-true manner, she had denied it all. She denied that when Teddy looked at her, she felt her heart break into a gallop. She denied that their supposedly meaningless romps were—in reality—what she lived for, what she craved more than air or warmth or sustenance. She denied that during their dirty, sordid acts, she had imagined what it would be like… together for more than just a minute or an hour… but every glorious, sunlit moment. She had denied that the only reason she let herself sink to the level of "plan B" was because even though she hated being the backup option, the truth was it was better than not being an option at all.

But here—with his arm wrapped so securely around her, his eyes so very soft and kind, his hand set on her cheek—there was no more denying, and there was no more hiding. For once in her life, she just wanted to feel. She just wanted to let herself want.

She closed the distance between them, inch by agonizing inch, until her lips and his were together again.

Tonight there was no more rushing or hurrying; every move and every touch was slow and sweet and sated with meaning and significance. There was a time where such things scared her, terrified her. But a person can only go so long before they want to know that their existence has a meaning, and now—here—Cass realized that Teddy was hers.

_I know you don't think that I am trying_

_I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

With a sharp intake of breath, Cass felt Teddy's lips pull from hers.

"Erm," Teddy whispered, looking at her like he was trying very desperately to articulate something, but was failing. "I, er…"

The first—very startling—thought that ran through Cass's head was that he wanted her to leave. She herself knew that leaving would be the smart thing, something she ought to do… but for once, she wanted to ignore what was right or smart or logical. She wanted Teddy. And she wanted to stay.

She had to make sure that didn't happen.

"Ted?" Cass whispered. Her voice was shaking. "Can I ask you something?"

Teddy appeared to visibly gulp.

"Anything."

She took a deep breath, and looked deep into his eyes.

"Don't make me go back tonight."

He seemed to look at her a very long time. She wasn't sure if he was searching for something, or memorizing her, or if he simply didn't recognize her. But she was the same as she'd always been. She was still the same person, the same woman. The same Cass. She hadn't changed.

Or had she?

"Never," he answered softly, wearing the kindest, most beautiful smile she'd ever seen. He raised his hand and gently ran his fingertips through her hair… and Cass felt her lips settle into his in another sweet, soft kiss…

However, they weren't for long before she felt him pull away again.

"Cass, hold on," Teddy said, pulling away quickly. Cass realized with a jolt of embarrassment that her lips were still pursed slightly, as if she was still kissing Teddy. By the time she corrected this—bringing her hand to her lips—Teddy was already at the stairs.

"Wait, where are you going?" Cass asked, miraculously managing to rouse her voice to life, as Teddy disappeared up the staircase.

"Just wait here," he said, his voice the only evidence he was there. "I'll be right back."

_But hold your breath…_

Cass very awkwardly watched the staircases for a few moments. She then reverted to her trusty standby for her nervous hands: fiddling with her mother's ring. Today it was around her neck on a white gold chain, but she removed it—chain and all—to twirl it between her thumb and forefinger. As she did so, she remembered that the clasp on the chain hadn't been clasping properly as of late, or at least not for extended periods of time. She was about to take it off the chain and put it on her finger instead, but remembered the reason it was on the chain in the first place: the ring had been fitting loosely for a couple weeks. With a wary sigh and a mental note to get the ring resized _soon_, she put the chain around her neck again.

After a few more silent moments, Cass stood from the couch and followed Teddy's path up the stairs, if for no other reason than to verify that he wasn't planning a great escape from his window. Once in the upstairs, she saw Teddy's door partly open, with flickering light coming from within.

"What are you doing?" she asked, entering the room. She cautiously eyed the candles Teddy had put out; after all their grossly unromantic encounters, she wasn't sure how she felt about mood lighting.

"Nothing," Teddy said quickly, and before she had a chance to protest, his lips were on hers again and all logical thought evaporated in an instant.

She could not help but notice that his kiss was different tonight. Not at all in a poor way, but it was clearly not the same. There were different types of kisses she'd experienced with Teddy: one was desperate and needy, like he was in pain and she was a painkiller; another was horny and hot, like he simply couldn't control himself; and a third was playful and fun, as if he knew the effect it always had on her and he lived for it. But one thing they all had in common was a hunger.

Tonight, it was not completely gone, but it felt tamed; no longer was it ravenous and wild, but sweet and gentle. She would not have guessed that the latter would have made her weaker.

_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

His hands slid around her waist, and Cass could feel him steering her towards the bed. Teddy's hand drew upwards, under her camisole, and she savored the singular pleasure of his hands on her skin…

The soft bed was suddenly beneath her, the sensations building momentum….

--

"And we all know what happened next."

Teddy nodded. He remembered.

"That moment," he interjected, as Cass cocked her head to the side, her chin on her knees, "just before… you were so scared."

"Mmm," she said in assent. Her eyes were on his, so languid yet so strong.

"Why?"

Never breaking their gaze, she sighed.

"I just…" she attempted to explain. Letting a breath go, she seemed to have lost the words. "… I wanted it so badly. I haven't ever wanted anything as much as I wanted what we had that night.

"Desire is a form of vulnerability. Because once you realize you want it, you simultaneously realize that you might not get it. I've never liked being vulnerable; I've always been of the belief that vulnerability was weak."

"Do you think that now?" Teddy urged her. She smiled softly, noting the very slight hint of panic.

"No," she said slowly, surely. "I've realized it's naïve to believe that."

"Really?"

"Really." Cass chuckled at the sarcastic tone of Teddy's voice. "To love is to sacrifice, and—"

"That's not a good start."

"You're looking at it the wrong way," Cass explained, smiling sweetly. "People think sacrifice is noble; divine, almost. Like it's some impossible, unbearable feat. Sacrifice isn't losing; it's giving it back to the universe. Sometimes, it's so that it can be given to someone else. Others, it's so you can free yourself up for something else."

"And what did you free yourself up for?"

She looked in his eyes, and the sides of her lips turned up happily.

"You," she said. "I lost my own self-protection, the impenetrability, the hardness. And I got you in return. And you made me realize that love as a protector is childish, silly. What protection do I need when I have you?"

Teddy felt his chest constrict with the vast, immense something that Cass always inspired in him.

"Alright," he said, keeping his voice from breaking, "tell me about the rest."

--

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear its true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find…_

At first, there was no room for any thoughts. Most of her efforts were put into breathing, and calming her persistently racing heart.

Soon the burn in her lungs had subsided, and her heart had at least slowed, instead of actually returning to normal. Now there was nothing to distract her from the slow churning in her stomach. At first, she didn't recognize the sensation; but it didn't take long for her memory to catch up.

_No_, she thought, furrowing her brow. The sting of tears threatened, but she was an expert at keeping them back. She'd had years of practice. But one thing she'd never had to fight was feeling. Those were done away with at the earliest opportunity, before she'd even really felt them. Now that she'd _allowed_ herself to feel… there was no way to fight it.

She had to get out of here.

"You okay?"

Cass barely heard Teddy's words, but was wrenched back into reality upon feeling his lips against her shoulder. It both innerved and angered her that her heart could break at such a small, insignificant gesture. She tried to focus on a spot on the ceiling while she planned her escape.

"Erm," she said, the last piece falling into place, "yeah."

After another moment, she rose from bed, keenly aware that she was still very naked. She tried to pull on her clothes as quickly as she could: another thing she'd become particularly good at.

"What are you doing?"

Cass was thankful that Teddy could not see her face, because she visibly cringed. She had been so close to getting out, all she needed was her pants. She spotted them on the ground by the bed, and went for them, trying futilely to keep her hands from shaking.

"I'm getting dressed," she said quickly. She hoped she sounded convincing.

"I meant why." Though she couldn't see Teddy, she heard a rustle of sheets and clothes that indicated he was getting dressed as well. Luckily, all she had to do was pull on her pants and she'd be fully dressed.

"Because I'm gonna go," she said, not meeting his eyes as she slipped into her jeans. The moment the snap was fastened, she left the room, going down the staircase as quickly as she could.

_Think_, she told herself. _Focus_. She went to the couch, where she snatched up her things and began to pile them into her bag.

She was so engrossed in gathering all her things that she didn't hear Teddy come down the stairs after her.

"I thought you were going to stay over."

At the sound of his voice—seeming a bit gruff—she visibly jumped. _So close_, she thought. She looked at him, and he was simply staring at her, imploring.

"Yeah, about that. I, erm…" she said, her mind racing to try and come up with a viable excuse… _Gemma_. "I should go back to the hospital and check on Gemma… you know, in case something has changed…"

Teddy was still staring at her, and the more he did that, the more she realized that she needed desperately to get out of here, to put a serious amount of distance between them… even as every cell in her body was screaming to stay. She looked down and realized that she had no shoes on. She sat down on the couch and slipped into her boots.

_This is not what I intended_

_I always swore to you I'd never fall apart_

"This has to stop, Cass."

These words hit her like a slap across the face. Fighting back tears—as good as she was at it—suddenly became much harder.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, trying to appear as though she was oblivious. She rose from the couch. "I'm leaving anyway."

"No," he said solemnly, shaking his head. He looked at her very intensely. "_This _has to stop. This situation." He paused, taking a deep breath. "This… friends with benefits thing."

"Wait, what?" she asked in disbelief. That was not where she thought this had been going. "Why?"

"It's just…" He ran a hand over his face, as if he was very, very tired, "not working…."

Something large and ugly reared its head inside Cass, and she crossed her arms over her chest and shot a look at him with contempt.

"Oh, I get it," she scoffed. "So you're just bloody tired of me, right? What am I, a fucking bore to you now?" These words ripped at her insides as she spoke, but she managed to cover it with indignation. She took up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "I'm done with this."

"Oh, well you know what I'm done with?!" Teddy shot back at her. Her eyes had locked on his in surprise, even before he grabbed her arm; his voice sounded pained, strangled. "This crappy fucking middle ground, Cass! I'm tired of trying to remember where 'the line' is, and whether I've crossed it or not! I'm so sick of it all!"

"We're there for each other when we need each other, I thought that's what you wanted!" Cass threw at him. She hoped spitefully that he would feel as guilty as she felt humiliated. She pulled her arm from his grasp. "For us to be each other's plan B!"

"I don't wanna be your fucking plan B!" he screamed. For a split second she was scared, seeing the level of the sheer agony in his eyes. For a split second, she allowed herself to believe—stupidly—that it was the same agony she'd endured for the past year… "I'm done with that! I don't just want the damn sex! It's not enough! Yes, the sex is great, but I want more than that! I wanna hold you when you cry and unabashedly buy your tampons and go to sleep and wake up next to you every morning and every night and I don't wanna share you with some other bloke!"

Cass's heart was pounding fast and hard, her eyes locked on his. She did not dare let herself believe it…

"I love you, Cass," he said. For a few moments she looked him right in the eye, and the desperation she saw was almost more than she could bear. He was breathing heavily. "I love you so much."

At that, she simply couldn't look at him. She wasn't disgusted or repulsed, or embarrassed. She just couldn't look in his eyes anymore, because she knew she would repeat the same words he'd just spoken… and she couldn't.

She knew she loved Teddy. But the thought of him leaving her… was unbearable. Unthinkable. She didn't think she would be able to survive it.

"You wanna know where the line was?" Her voice was low and deadly; clear anger to anyone else but her own ears. She could hear that it was only a cover for being scared, and sad, and a poor one at that. "That was it. You crossed it. And now, Ted, there's no way to go back."

"Is that what you want? To go back?" She knew his eyes were bearing down on hers, but she would not meet them. She refused. "Because I sure as hell don't. You can't just tell me that meant nothing to you. That's why you got up so quick to leave." He paused, evidently waiting for either assent or dissent. "That was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. And I know you felt it too."

She crossed her arms, and still would not look at him. With every passing word, she felt herself retreating farther and father within herself, like running deeper and deeper into a huge castle, slamming and locking door after door behind you, setting up multiple barriers to protect you from the outside world.

Or perhaps protecting them from you.

"If _this_ is really what you want, then fine. But just look me in the eye and answer me this."

She marveled at the simultaneous simplicity and difficulty of this request. It took no effort whatsoever to look him in the eye, but once there, she didn't know if she would be able to look away again.

Ever.

She brought her eyes to meet his. All she could feel was her entire body tensing up, refusing to let go.

"Do you love me?"

_You always thought that I was stronger…_

Even as she could feel her eyes harden, her muscles tense, and her jaw clench—her proverbial shell strengthening, cold and callous—she felt a vast chasm open within her, almost like a black hole. There was no pain. There was no happiness, either. There was simply nothing. She hardly believed she still had an inside at all, only the outer shell which now hid nothing but thin air.

She took a deep breath in, almost surprised to find that her heart was still thumping uncomfortably in her chest, her lungs were still present to hold her shuddering breath.

He was staring at her, so intently and strongly. So desperately. Like she was the key to… everything…

In books or in movies, there was always a reason why people lied about being in love with someone, even if they felt the same way back. Something poetic, with a vast metaphorical significance. For her, there was no reason, or rationale. She just was terrified, scared completely out of her mind, and, therefore, said this:

_I may have failed_

_But I have loved you from the start_

"No."

His jaw—which had been previously clenched tight—dropped. His eyes searched her entire face; the gaze was so intense, she could almost feel the sensation of his eyes on her skin. He looked so… devastated…

Just as she was sure there was no feeling left within her, the vast nothing in her chest seemed to erupt in searing pain—as if the chasm in her chest had suddenly burst into flame. She needed to leave; she could not pretend anymore.

She grabbed her bag, and left Teddy's flat without another word.

As soon as she heard the door click shut behind her, her steps slowed. Slower and slower they came, until she found she simply couldn't will her feet forward anymore. A very small part of her mind worried that Teddy would follow her and see her like this, and know. But it was only a very small part.

Her main focus was the excruciating pain in her chest. It wasn't physical, which ruled out a heart attack or an asthma attack. It wasn't normal pain; it made her breath come in short, quick gasps, her eyes burn with tears, her stomach roll, and her heart… she didn't now how her heart felt. It wasn't a physical ache; it was emotional, and she didn't know how to translate what the emotional pain felt like to her physical heart.

Throaty sobs left her with the force of a hurricane. She gripped the wall—trying to find something to latch onto, something to keep from slipping further downward. But there was nothing. The wall was flat, smooth, cold; and she simply continued to slide downward until she was on her knees.

_So breath in so deep_

_Breathe me in_

_I'm yours to keep_

Sobs shook her body violently, and she fastened her arms around her chest, as if to keep the quakes from tearing her apart. She curled herself into a ball, her chest pressed against her thighs, her forehead resting on the floor…

_I don't wanna be your fucking plan B! I'm done with that! I don't just want the damn sex! Yes, the sex is great, but I want more than that! I wanna hold you when you cry and unabashedly buy your tampons and go to sleep and wake up next to you every morning and every night and I don't wanna share you with some other bloke!_

The words had replayed themselves in her head with no voluntary effort, as clear as if her were shouting them in her ear. As the words stopped, she felt everyone of her muscles relax slightly, as if she'd been contracting herself a little more with every syllable. Even now that reliving it was over, she could still recall it so clearly; it was echoing inside her head, and she could hear it again and again and again…

_I love you, Cass. I love you so much._

_And hold on to your words, 'cause talk is cheap_

_And remember me tonight when you're asleep_

At that she almost screamed aloud. This wasn't normal, this couldn't be normal… pain wasn't supposed to hurt like this…

She could not bear to be in this place, not when the very memories were driving her mad.

With every ounce of strength she had to pick herself up and walk to the elevator.

Once home, she said nothing to anyone as she passed the main house to go straight to her apartment. She locked all the doors once inside.

Silently, she dropped her back on the sofa, and headed to the bedroom area to get undressed. She put on a pair of silk pajama pants and a camisole, and climbed beneath her comforter.

The tears had never completely stopped since they'd begun on the floor in Teddy's hallway, but they'd slowed drastically since she arrived at the Apparation point in front of her house. Now, with nothing to distract her, they flowed fresh again. Not in torrents, as before, but in a slow but steady trickle. As a comforting reassurance, she reached for her necklace containing her mother's ring as a pendant.

Only to find it was gone.

She sat up in a flash, and searched around her neck with an effort that was entirely unnecessary. It was gone, and she'd known it from the first time she'd reached for it.

It was gone, and she knew right where it was.

The tears came faster now, and she didn't bother fighting it anymore. She simply let the tide pull her under, deeper and deeper without a single protest. What was the point to it, anyway?

_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

Grasping at her neck in more futile attempts to find her anchor—something to hold her in place when she seemed to be falling apart—she realized that even the chain was gone.

A stab of pain pierced her heart, and she fell back against her pillows, letting the sadness wash over her in waves.

It wasn't that he was simply gone, no matter that it was her own doing. It was that—just like the ring—it was as if he had never been with her at all.

_You're impossible to find_


End file.
